Probably my least favorite thing to hear in recovery is “Well, maybe God has a different plan!” However, doing things my way kept me drunk and high so when someone with quality sobriety like my sponsor suggests that I do something, I have found it particularly beneficial to heed that advice. What got me thinking about spiritual growth today was my wife telling me to just be patient, stay out of the way, and let my higher power run the show. I am currently at an impasse with my current employment. The job is great. I love what I do and I get to help people like myself get the help to change their lives. Unfortunately, some recent events have unfolded that may have cost us part of our pay, which would put me in a place needing to either take on a second job or finding another job all together. I believe I am in a spot today where I can be valuable in a number of fields and with graduation in May, I will finally have a college degree which should open some more doors, but I have this feeling that God put me where I am for a reason. It is a job I never would have thought I would be happy doing and when the offer came to me I was initially unwilling to say yes. But it came about again a few months later and as I was discussing with my sponsor how I was waiting on God to open a door my he told me “It sounds like he has already opened one for you brother.” You see, I was working at a treatment center at the time and was not making nowhere near what I needed to take care of my family. We were scraping by, and grateful for what we had at the time but we knew something had to change. Not only was the pay less than desirable, the hours I had to dedicate to the job took a significant amount of time away from my family. I had my first child and for the first 9 months of her life I had to be gone a majority of the week. That is why I had been praying for God to open a door, but I had already planned what I wanted God to do. I wanted Him to open a spot at the treatment center for me to work no more than 40 hours per week, not be on call 24/7, and make 3 times what I was making. On top of that, I was very egotistical about how patient I was being waiting on God to answer that prayer. When my sponsor suggested that my current job might be the door I was praying for, I took a step back and thought about it. It had EVERY SINGLE BENEFIT I was praying for including better pay, retirement and healthcare, 40 hour work week, I still would be helping alcoholics and drug addicts, and almost 3 times what I was making. That may have been the most defining moment of clarity I have had since I started my journey into recovery. I thought I was practicing patience and tolerance but in reality I was being selfish and self-centered. I had already decided how God needed to answer my prayer to the point that I was blinded to the fact He already had. Fast-forward to today and some of my salary might be going away. The past month or so I have spent a lot of time in prayer just asking for guidance. Asking for help to make the decision that will keep me stay in His will. By the end of this month I should know what is gonna happen with our paychecks but for now I am not gonna stress the future. What I have is peace today. That’s God’s will for me in this moment I believe, to trust Him and have faith that He is gonna put me where I can be of maximum service. When I trust my higher power, I always get the result I need even if it isn’t the result I wanted! I hope everyone has a blessed day!
Patience, Young Padawan