This morning faith and patience have been on my mind pretty heavily. I have recently been dealing with a couple of things that are work- and personal-life related and I keep thinking, “Okay God, any day now it would be nice to throw me a shot of hope here….”
In particular, my job has been kind of up in the air as far as whether or not I will be able to continue working here, or whether I will have to find another job somewhere else. Needless to say it’s a terrifying thought. The last three and a half years I have worked very hard to finish my degree and get certified specifically for this job, thinking this was where I would be for the foreseeable future but that may not be the reality of the situation. I have already put in multiple applications for other employment opportunities and attempted other routes of trying to generate income but I keep hitting a brick wall and again and again I just keep coming to the “Okay God, any day now…”
I have found in recovery that trusting in my higher power and staying out of the way has kept me sober and I have always ended up right where I needed to be, even if it wasn’t where I wanted to be at the time. Part of staying out of the way, however, is being willing to put in the effort needed to affect change and the consciousness required to identify when its me and when its God (I am not always great at this part, but better than I used to be). But there comes a point when we all get tired of being patient, tired of having what seems like fruitless faith! When I start to feel like that, I have to step back and try to find a way to get into some gratitude before it eats me alive. I don’t know how often I have heard that a grateful heart doesn’t leave much room for relapse but I believe that wholeheartedly. If I had nothing else to be grateful for, which isn’t true I have laundry list a mile long of things I can be grateful for, I can be grateful that despite my failings, my inadequacies, my defects, and my self-centered point-of-view, I am still sober! But by the grace of God, there go I….
Thanks for reading!